The Beasts Within Us
Premises - Sometimes the biggest monsters
aren't what one little serum can do.
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Chapters
CH.01 - Secrets
CH.02 - Like honey and cigerettes
CH.03 - The Looking Glass
CH.04 - Anywhere
CH.05 - Right Kind of Wrong
Ch.06 - Unwoven
CH. 07 - Echoes
CH. 08 - Mad World
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Credits:
IoDM Shop concept: Sabin Duvert, Kamiki, Chibe Hige
Characters: Individual Players
Story Concept/Written By: Forbidden Filly
CHAPTER ONE
Secrets
Somewhere the sound of distant birdsong can be heard. It's
beautiful and serene, and it's the only place I can actually stand here, the
only time I'm not wondering why the hell my life turned out to be so shitty.
Sure, there's Billy, but that pales in comparison to the solitude and peace the
tree line brings for me. I know this fascination and want of the trees is only
a direct affect of my changes, but I don't care. I'll take peace where it
comes. Besides, it's like my home away from home sorta
speak. Not that I ever wanna live here, mind you, but
you sure as hell can't beat the view. And what a view it is.
I can see the smaller trees creating a green canopy around
me, see small birds fly by all in different colors, and not too far away I can
see the duplex. My attention shifts to the duplexes for a moment and I can't
help but stare at the series of buildings edging in around each other. I think
about the people that are inside, other islanders. I see some milling about or
going in between buildings or outwords to the beach
or stretch of jungle. Poor pathetic bastards. Trying to live it day by day, by day, just waiting for the next
change or for eventual death. Nothing to live for expect
the montony this place brings. Poor
pathetic islanders. Just like me.
I sigh at that thought and turn my attention back to the
scenery, inhaling sharply as I do. It's a wavering sigh that escapes my maw and
my tail slashes the air behind me. I hate this. Fucking body
that isn't really mine. It's just something that forced it's way into my life. What THEY did to me. I'm not stupid
enough to think I have it all that bad, I can look around and see people are
more worse off them me, but hell it ALWAYS hurts twice as bad when it's you
going through it. Besides all these people that came here, most of them lived a
good life. Full of sunshine and roses and all that shit. But
not me. Oh no, not me. Life's been one bullet ride to hell since the day
I set foot on this Earth. What a life it is, what a way to live and die. Fur and a tail. It doesn't matter about the woman
underneath, it never does. Even when I was human it was still skin deep, yanno? Now my pain is right on my black and white body, but
it's fine. I have to keep telling myself that it will
be okay. That everything's comin' up roses. I have
to. Everyone needs something to hold on to, something to cling to. Just a
little something, anything that makes you keep
fighting for one more day.
I hear something that pulls me out of my thoughts.
My ruffed ears flicker just once and I begin to work my
way down the trees, my hands and lemur feet gripping at branches as my tail
shifts this way and that in an effort to keep my balance. The noises get louder
but are still so very soft. I catch bits and phrases because of the sensitivity
of my hearing but its too muffled to tell exactly what
is being said. I know it's a conversation though. Curiously I continue to slink
down and by instinct I'm able to keep myself hidden. The foliage does well to
hide the majority of my black and white fur while the only human skin is cast
over by shadows and glimmers of light. It'd be too distorted for anyone to
really get a good look at me. Does well to work in my favor.
Finally through the branches and leaves I make out a figure of a man in black
and a woman in a white lab coat. I let out a small angry little hiss instantly
when I recognize the man.
It's that bastard doctor, Duvert.
I haven't seen him since I arrived here, but the man looks
as swarmy as ever. Not that he looked swarmy to begin with, but just seeing him makes my skin
crawl. And not like it did with my changes either. I press closer, craning my
neck out to peer through the leaves blocking my form. I'm still a couple of
feet above them, but that's the way I wanna keep it.
Don't want them seeing me. God knows what kind of reprimands THAT would bring.
I focus on the woman with him, something about her
brings familiarity though I've never seen her before in my life. She looks
dumpy...fat....no not fat....
Pregnant.
Aubrey! This has to be her. So the two staff I probably
hate the most just standing around chatting it up. This should be interesting.
And lucky for me I'm the only around to catch it. I finally move as close as I
can without possibly giving myself away. My muscles are so tense they hurt
because I'm limiting my mobility to the pose I've slipped into. Ruffed ears flicker and pivot as I hold my breath, straining to
hear the clear whispers. Something's up. I know
it is. The tension can be cut with a pair of children's safety scissors. The
big question now is why...
"....and even if it's no use," Aubrey says, her
voice come out in a whispered cry.
"You can't say that," Sabin
says. He casts a sidelong glance to his side before looking heavenwards to the
trees. I almost panic, but he doesn't seem to notice me and goes back to look
at Aubrey. "We shouldn't talk here....."
"I know I just.....I can't stand being in that place
too long.." the brunette says, rubbing her hand along the length of her
white lab coat covered belly, as if she's nervous about something.
"Yes, I'm sure the fresh air will do you some
good," Sabin muses, "But all the same
Aubrey you know I worry abo-"
"I know," She says, cutting him off. She's quiet
for a moment, they both are.
Well this conversation is certainly boring. I don't even
know what they're talking about, but it's the WAY they're talking that holds my
interest. I've been in the secrets game for a very long time. So I know what it
looks like when two people are hiding something. And I also know when the
secret is more sinister in nature. And suddenly I see something that proves my
theory right. Aubrey looks at Sabin a moment and then
leans foward, and its clear
that it's a pass to kiss him.
"Aubrey please!" Sabin says quickly, his voice almost taking on normal tones
from the surprise. He looks up towards the trees once more, though not as
noticeable as before. I'm almost seen because my ruff eared head is now
sticking out. But he still doesn't seem to notice.
"God I'm sorry..." Aubrey says, shaking her
head. "I don't know what came over me..."
"It's fine. Did you find anything about Frost?" Sabin says, quickly skirting the former subject.
"Not much, not enough to make any ties."
"Just as I suspected. No locked cabinets or anything?"
"Not a thing."
"Alright," Sabin
finishes, ticking his head from one side of the horizon to the other.
"I'll try some snooping of my own. In the meantime this should be the last
time we meet here. We shouldn't have done it to begin with. You never know who
might be lurking around..."
"I know," Aubrey says, sounding like she's just
been reprimanded. "Look, I should go anyway. I'll be around...."
Sabin nods and watch her go while I'm trying hard not to keep from
laughing. Well isn't this something? So the little MILF and doctor dujerk are playing over the big man himself. Oh this is too
juicy not to tell to someone. I wait until Sabin
finally leaves and then I wait a little more just in case he decideds to come back. When I'm certain the coast is clear
I climb down the tree with ease and make my way towards the lake, eager to talk
to my octopusian boyfriend.
I'm sure Billy would love to hear this.
CHAPTER TWO
Like honey and cigerettes
"Yea, y'run fer it ya bloody feckin' fish, big man Billy's gunna
git ya..." I gurgle,
laughing insanely as I lurch forward, propelling my tentacles around behind me
as I do.
I don't give a lick if these fishes are already dead and
I've only thrown them in my indoor pool for a bit o' fun. I can still pretend
all the same. I close in on one and sink my beak around it, hungrily slashing
into the little body as I do, the thing is tastless
for the most part, but there's still some revelment
in the freshness of it. As soon as I leave nothing but bubbles and bones I'm on
to the next fish, taking it as fast as I've taken the first. I go again and
again until there's nothing left. But, I'm still swimming around and around in
the pool all the same. Ain't nothing like a good
muscle stretch I always say.
But, then I see something.
The distorted image of a black and white
fuzz ball looking down at the water. All it is, is bended light reflected and twisted and any other time
I wouldn't know what the feck it is. But...I know. My girl comin' to pay me a visit. Funny...my girl. When I first met her I couldn't
stand her. Feckin' bitch is what she was. Acted like I was set on rapin' and hurtin' her. I never know what her issues were,
but....now she's mine. I don't think I love her, head's all twisted and
confused between her and Aubrey, but I guess I can stand her more then other
girls I've been with.
At least she treats me like I'm not some disgusting slime
ball. And if she does, she'd be ballsy enough to admit it. But still...I don't
know if it's love. Probably ain't. But it sure as
hell beats being lonely, or being a mess because of what some doctor bitch did
to you. I let out a bubbled grunt at that thought and push my legs to swim up
to the surface, breaking it and letting off a beaky grin at the ruffed female.
"A'righ
there Mary?" I ask, one of our classic
forms of greetings. For an animal, she's really something. Still can see the
woman she once was.
It's too bad she stopped being beautiful long before she
became ugly.
"I've got a seeeeecret,"
She sing songs, her tail waving in the air happily as
she goes to pour the glasses.
Now that's a good woman. Always bringin'
me what I want without me havin' to ask.
"That righ' .....? " I say, uncoiling my legs and slithering across the
ground to go to the plastic couch we always visit on.
"Mhmmm,
guess who I saw gettin' all cozy?" She asks, flopping down on the couch and passing a glass to me.
I take it with one tentacle, reach over for my cigs with
one, and light it up with another. "
She smirks, but shakes her head. "Nope,
but close. Your little doctor friend and Duvert."
I stop suddenly, my beak hanging open as cigerrette smoke billows out from it. My 'little doctor
friend', oh can she not bring herself to say it. Figures.
But, I couldn't have heard right, or maybe I
misunderstood.....getting cozy?
"Wha...?" Is all I can
manage.
"Mmmhmm. They were practially mauling each
other."
"Your feckin' kiddin' me," I say suddenly leaning up. Against my
control my limbs begin to coil and tighten around whatever they're around; in
this case, Maryke's waist.
"Hey!" she says quickly, gasping for a breath.
"Sorry luv," I mumble,
retracting and looking away. My body's taking on a nice tinge of red, but that
can't be helped. I'm sure lemur girl's going to note something from that.
"Geez, don't tell me you
still have it up for her!"
"Mary, we've 'ad this talk..." I'm quick to calm
the missus. I may not love her truly, madly deeply, but...she's all I got. I
try to look honest even though this news is boiling over and around inside my
chest.
That seems to be enough for her because she merely nods
and finishes her glass in silence. After a few beats she sets it down, leans
over and pecks my beak with her muzzle. "See you later, baby. I wanna get home before it gets dark out."
I nod in response, but only vaguely acknowledge her. I
wait until she leaves until I'm off the couch and slithering over to my
intercom system. I punch in the number and wait, my tentacles twitching and
gripping from the frustration I'm in. Soon the familar
static is heard along with a woman's voice.
"What do you want, Billy?"
"To brag," I say, the bitterness returning to my
voice just like it does every time I talk to her.
"Oh? Have you and your whor-
uh girlfriend discovered a new position?"
I chuckle. "No, but I 'eard you n' Du'vert have...wanna let me n' on somet'ng?"
There's a long drawn out silence and I'm
loving it. This fecking bitch should burn for
what she's done to me.
"Who told you that?" She asks finally.
"Issa secret."
"Bullshit."
"Well it is..."
"Fine, I'll just have to figure it out myself!"
Aubrey says angrily as she hangs up, leaving me to gloat.
And gloat I am.
CHAPTER THREE
The Looking Glass
Long day. Or maybe not that long by the island's standards. Time is
meaningless here; it's repetitive and the same ole same ole goes on. Of course
this new little tidbit has excited what would otherwise be a mundane Sunday,
but like all gossip it quickly fades fast. I don't exactly have gossip buddies
here so other then giving the 411 to Billy, I have no other plans to spiel this
new discovery. Let the doctors do what they want with their lives. The fun's
over for me. The only thing I have planned for tonight is a long relaxing
evening with Mr. Bubble and Mr. Bath. I raise my head to look at the sky and
note that the orangy hues are beginning to churn into
a purple mess. Key that it's going to be getting dark soon.
And there's no way in hell I want to be out and about with sharptooth
and all the other nasties on the loose.
Soon I walk up the stairs and head to my duplex when I
stop suddenly at the door.......what the fuck? I grab the stickynote that someone has left on the door and hold it up
to my face:
Good girls learn to keep their mouths shut.
xxx Aubrey <3
Narrowing my eyes I crumple the paper into a little ball
and throw it over my shoulder. Whatever that bitch's deal is I don't want to
have anything to do with it. I grab the knob and make
to yank the door open only....it doesn't budge. Groaning I pull out a key from
my tattered jeans and try to open it. I try again, and again.....and again.
Someone has obviously changed the locks.
I let out a loud annoyed bark, remenant
of my mostly lemur body, and storm off. So much for a relaxing evening!
MEANWHILE
Bloody bitches are all the same. They take from one n'
when they get tired of takin' or the man's got no
take left well then.....they just move on to the next victim. I grunt as my
fins flare up. Stupid filthy wenches. Better off
without 'em! Every las' one
of 'em! I put my beak to the bottle and throw my head
back, gurgling as the liquid goes down my throat and burns my chest. It's one feck of a burn, but who the hell cares anymore. Righ'?
Suddenly I hear a door open and footsteps. Briefly I think
it might be Aubrey, but when I see who it is I throw the bottle at her head.
It misses.
"What tha feck ya doin'
hur?"
"I was in the neighborhood,"
"Like 'ell ya were. Aye, so
news trav'ls fast now, dun
it?"
"Oh so you've heard?" the squirrel says, not
bothering to step in further.
"'eard? Y'tink I wouldna? All t'inks consider'd?" I ask,
my fins flaring up even more. I slither off the couch and move tentacle over
tentacle over to where the squirrel is standing.
I stop.
"Wha's this now?"
The squirrel's eyes light up this time, clearing
indicating she's hit a run on for gossip that hasn't been shared yet. "Oh
so you haven't heard?" This time she does step closer.
"Jus' git
on wit it!"
"Okay, okay. Well,
it seems like your little playmate has been doing some playing of her
own."
"N' 'ow da
ye know?"
"I do have eyes....and I'm sure I can get some
pictures if you're interested..."
I glare as best I can with this inhuman face. First Aubrey
now Mary...oh the bitches can burn for all I care! Every last
one of them. So Mary and Alexa have been
seeing each other? I heard about their past........relationship but.....FECK!
"Jus' git out...."
"No need to tell me twice," Antonty
says, "My job here is do--- " She stops talking just as the lemur in
question walks up behind her, instantly contorting her face in a death glare at
the squirrel. "Well speak of the devil!"
The two woman enrapture in
silence, only glaring and scowling at each other before
"What the hell was she doing here?" Maryke asks, hands planted firmly
on her hips.
"Jus' git out...." I
mutter, still distrought over the events of the day.
".....what?"
"Git out," I repeat,
this time a little louder.
"I can't 'git out',"
she says, feigning my accent. "I was locked out of my duplex by that bitch
and I need a place to..."
"GIT OUT!" I yell as loud as I can.
"Stay....." she finishes quietly, staring at me
in shock and mild fear.
My chest is heaving from the force of the shout and she's
looking at me as if I've suddenly grown two heads. Which
wouldn't exactly be far from reality in this blasted place. But I still
want the bitch gone. I want them all gone.
Wish granted.
Maryke simply turns around and leaves.
CHAPTER FOUR
Anywhere
I look up at the skyline and give off a little grimace as
I see the sun begin to set, casting the island into pure darkness from its depature. I'm tempted to go back to Billy's and beg....no,
not beg, at least ask what the hell his problem is. It
wouldn't be so bad, afterall these couples
quarrels happen to everyone, but I didn't actually DO anything. Unless you
count the fact that I told him about Aubrey, but that's something any good
girlfriend would do. Eliminate the competition when you see the opportunity arise.
She had to have said something. I scowl at that obvious
fact, but I have no time to dwell on it. Even this little mantra of thoughtflow has cost me a setting sun and now the stars are
out, twinkling in unison and not giving me very much light to work with. I
blink though. The statement was something inherited from every being's
disability to see perfectly at night, but for some reason. I can see sharper.
Not exactly perfect, but it's sharper then when I was
human. When I was human... Such a load of bullshit.
But again, I can't think about all the dignity they stole from me. Right now I
need to concentrate on finding a place to stay.
Only there isn't one.
Billy was the only feasible option. Even though F' is the
closest, being right under me, I'm not exactly chummy with the guy. Afterall at our last meeting he did puke all over my
bathroom. I make a mental checklist of all my female 'friends' on the island
and even some of the males I'm on good terms with. The sad fact remains while
I'm in good standing with these people I don't really....know them. Not in the
'hey can I crash here tonight' way? The only other choice is Alexa. But god no....just no.
Every time I'm around her I get this overwhelming sense to choke the life out
of her. Yeah...our relationship is all sunshine and roses. Really.
So that leaves one other option.
I stare into the nightlit sky
and let a lone whimper escape my maw. Everything's going to be okay I mentally
tell myself, trying so hard to keep myself in check. No time for fear. I can't
even begin to think of what could be lurking out here. So I just move. I'm
headed towards my favorite tree. Oh yes, when you're around the trees as much
as I am you begin to know them, each one. A little twisted, don't you think? But
I keep walking. I feel safe in this particular tree. It's the largest one of
the island and up that high I'm certain nothing can hear me. When I've gone a
good ways I stop and listen, my ruffed ears twitching as I do.
I hear the distinct sound of a growl.
But no, that can't be right. It's just my frightened mind
playing tricks on me. Isn't it? But, I know I'm wrong even before I see the
form move through the bushes in a Tarzan-like hunch and step out from behind
them. The moonlight casts shadows and at the sight of who
it is I feel my chest tighten painfully, the ruff and fur calling to attention
to stand on end.
"Yer lookin'
diff'ent," Jamal says gruffily,
the voice coupled with lisps and growls.
He pads closer and I take an instinctive step back, my
eyes downcast. We've only had one meeting before this and even though I was
completely unchanged then somehow I felt...braver. I don't think it's the
animal that's turning me into this frightened little girl inside, or maybe it
is. Who the hell knows anymore. I do know that I'm not
who I once was. The old Maryke died when she came
here. Power and money, everything I had and made me what I was, it means
nothing here. Which leaves the gawky girl I was ages ago in
its wake.
"Y ya actin'
all scared 'n' shit?" he asks, contining to
creep towards me.
I take another two steps back.
"I'm...I'm not," I stammer, instantly cursing
myself for the overall lack of bravery.
"Ain't gunna
hurt ya...much." He
says and then his feline face contorts into a very Chesire
like grin. "Ya still owe me n' ya betta b' ready ta pay."
He pads closer, the insane grin still placed around his
lips as the tusks stick out. I flinch as I look at him. Words cannot express
what's going through my brain. A mixture of fear, disgust, but mostly...fear.
"Get away from me," I snarl, my voice coming out
just a little stronger then I thought.
"Oh hell no," Jamal replies, now basically ape
walking towards me. It doesn't make him any less frightening. It only enhances
the terror. "Ya owe me n' Imma
pick up muh tab."
He pounces then. But I dodge out of the way; just a hair
away from being 'too late'.
It really is like a cat to a mouse, only this kitty is a
full grown tiger man with sharp tusks and claws. Thank god for lemur instincts!
Only all trees within reach are too far away and I'm certain I can't out run
this beast. I do the only other thing that comes to my fevered lemur mind and I
let a loud shrill-like barking call for help.
"What ya doin' ya crazy bitch!" Jamal grunts as he swipes into the air at me with a heavy
clawed paw-hand.
My head is thrown back and I'm still barking as loud as I
can. My mind is compeletly gone in this moment of
fear, but there is one thing that registers and pulls me back into the reality
at hand. An electrifying sensation in the form of pain shoots through my body
as I hear the sound of flesh being sliced through. With my head back and neck
arched it seems it was in the direct pathway of Jamal's extended tiger claws. I
try to gasp for air...
But I only sputter and wheeze as my own hand goes up to my
throat. Terror, extreme, unadultered
terror courses through my body as crimson blood spurts out from around
my clenched fingers. I barely manage to see Jamal with my now blurring
vision as his eyes suddenly dilate at the sight and smell of the blood. I
gurgle in my own spittle as I feel something big and heavy suddenly on top of
me and I only realize what he's doing to me as the first shards of clothing are
ripped from my body; bits of flesh included.
I let out another strangled gurgle before I pass out.
CHAPTER FIVE
Right Kind of Wrong
"So she says to me...you know I'm only doing this to
forget right? So I say.....whatever you say honey, just drop your pants!"
"And then what?" my friend, Benji
laughs.
"Psh what do you think? I
nail her man!" I say before we both laugh even harder and give each other
a high five. "Man, I'm telling you the chicks around here...it's like the
ultimate in dating. You screw 'em and by the time the
freakshow sets in they're too busy growing fur and
shit to notice that you don't stick around anymore!"
"Dude, but you know that's against policy
right?" Benji asks.
"Policy my ass. That's all formalities anyway, no one gives a shit."
"Sam...you've got a point
there," he says to me.
"Damn right I got a poi-"
I stop suddenly and look over to Benji
whose staring back at me wide eyed. Obviously he's heard too. I grip my gun
tighter and then nod my head to him. Bracing ourselves we continue onward and
then the moonlight hits something our eyes are too darkened to see. I beam the
flashlight in response and... then...... I promptly
gag.
"Shit!" Benji yellls as Jamal looks up from something that greatly
resembles another islander....if it weren't for all the blood.
"Shoot him!" I yell.
There's no time to call for backup. We can call for backup
later. Right now....we just need to make sure this monster goes down.
THE NEXT MORNING
My head is killing me. It feels so much like an elephant
is stampeding around inside my brain; just pound...pound...POUND. I try to
groan but only a hoarse ghost of a sound esapes my
maw. I flicker open one hazel eye and then another as my blurred vision begins
to pull and sharpen until my sight is regained fully. I don't know where I am.
Hell I barely remember WHO I am with how badly my head is hurting me. But
then...it all comes rushing back to me in one blink of an eye.
I jerk up with a start, instantly pulling my body into a
world of pain. My eyes tick around the room as my heart begins to thump widly around inside my chest. But there's no
Jamal....there's no jungle....no nothing. I blink and look around the room
expecting to see pink dancing elephants or spinning birds from my disillusioned
mind, but no...only white. Whiteness
here, whiteness there, everywhere.
A hospital room.
Fleetingly I think this has all been a dream. The island,
the changes....everything has just been one fucking nightmare that I'm now
fortunate enough to wake up from. But as I look down I see my furred body and I
try to groan again.
I still can't make a sound.
Just then two men enter the room, both wearing lab coats.
One holds a clipboard and one has red hair. That's about the only thing I can
really note to seperate them in the state I'm in.
"Ah looks like she's awake," clipboard man says.
He turns to the other, "This is Dr. Moreau."
I try to mutter a greeting, but again the only thing that
sounds is one hoarse utterance that I can't even pass as words even if I want
to. I raise my eyebrows in confusion.
"Ms. Jimenez, let me be as frank as I possibly can
with you..." the other man says as this Moreau, evil of all evil, listens. "You've....lost your voice." I open my maw in
extreme shock and he holds up a hand to stifle something that won't come
anyway. "You won't able to talk, not ever again, I'm truly sorry."
I then listen for the next twenty minutes of how it
happened. Of what Jamal, in his feral state, has done to me. Of how I will
never say 'I'm sorry' for all the mistakes I've done in my life, or how I'll
never say 'I love you' Billy, even if the emotion is still buried deep down
inside of me. Nothing. I won't be able to laugh, cry,
shout, sing....nothing. Nothing.
And it wasn't just Jamal that did this to me. He was the pawn that was there
from a chain of events that had nothing to do with him.
Through my pain and anguish I still have hindsight for
revenge. I glare and then wave frantically for the clipboard in the doctor's
hand, knowing full well that the pen and paper there will give me the needed
results. As they look at me with confusion I jot down the information that
started this all and give it back to Moreau directly to read.
I just hope Aubrey gets what's coming to her.
FOUR DAYS LATER - NIGHT
I wonder what Maryke is doing? I
haven't seen her in a while, not that I get to see her at all other then
watching her from a distance. What with her avoidance and all. But I just don't
understand it! We shared something, something special. She can't tell me that
all those times of making love in HER loft back in NY meant absolutely nothing!
Actually she can tell me, she has before. But I know she's lying. Call it a hunch, call it whatever you want, but I know she is. I know
she loves me like I love her. She has to!
And I don't care if she has fur and a tail and whatever
else. I wouldn't even care if she gained 300 pounds and doned
a mullet, I just don't care! I love her anyway...
Suddenly the knock of a door turns my attention elsewhere.
I know who it is even before Sam swings the door open. I smile weakly at him,
but seeing him doesn't make me feel good even if the orgasms do. Sleeping with
him is my only outlet. I wish it was Maryke, but it
isn't. And I'd rather be with SOMEONE because it's easier then facing this
emptiness alone.
"Hey..." I say with a smile though my heart
isn't in it. "Haven't seen you in a while, what was up?"
"You're never going to believe this," Sam says
flopping down on the couch and putting his feet up. His gaurd
uniform is all wrinkled and I can smell the alcohol on his breath. He might as
well have just skipped the conversation and told me to get on my back.
That's where all these meetings lead to anyway.
"Try me," I say simply, using a coy smirk I
learned from my former madam.
"I took down Jamal!" He says excitedly,
"All by myself I totally took his ass down! Can ya
believe it? Caught him rapin' the hell out of another
island, some really fucked up shit..."
"Another islander," I say, my attention suddenly
on this topic at full force.
No....no.....please...no
"Yeah, some chick named Maryke,"
He says with a shrug.
my
heart stops. "What?!"
"What, you know her or something?" He asks,
stretching back with an apathetic grunt.
"Can I see her?"
"Nah, no one's allowed to."
Shit. I don't know what to do. I want to see her! God, I
want to know she's okay. I love her! I'm desperate now. Frantic and desperate
and I just want to be near her. Taking a sharp intake of breath I decide to go
to someone whose close enough to her to have answers.
I grab my jacket and head out the door.
"Hey where ya
goin'?" Sam
asks, suddenly getting up.
"Out...beers in the fridge,
don't wait up," I say as I head to Billy's.
CHAPTER SIX
Unwoven
"N' I told ye ta git tha feck
out!" I yell as loud as I can as I slither over to where this bitch is
standing.
"Please...I just came here to see what happened to Maryke," Alexa says taking a
step back and cowering from fear.
It's been too long since someone was afraid of me. It's a
good feeling. But, still Alexa is the last person I
want to see, even if this wench is easy on the eyes. very
easy on the eyes. I may not be able to feel anything sexually anymore, but I'm
still a man and I let my eyes slide up and down her body as she backs away from
me. So this is the stupid normie MY lass has been screwin' behind me back, innit?
The thought makes my fins flair up and my face contort in anger.
"She ain't here so jus' git out, normie!" I yell
Alexa's bottom lip quivers and she continues to cower, "Well do
you know where I can find her? Please I'm really worried,
I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I just want to--"
She breaks then.
Raw emotions spilling out.
I don't think I've ever seen a woman cry this much. I've
seen Mar cry, but the girl had just lost her feckin'
face then, so it was to be expected. But Alexa looks
different somehow. Like all tha life has been sucked
from her and there's only desperation left. But, it ain't
my problem. Still..... My purple inhuman eyes slide over her form as she just
drops like a sack of potatoes. Her hands cover her face and her shoulders rock
her body as the sobs escape out. I don't know what to do.
"Oh come on, lass...it...err...well..."
I say, slithering over to her to absentmindly pat her
on the back. I can't believe I'm doing this. "It ain't
tha bad, 'm sure she jus'...well Mary...she's a
strong one..she kin look af'ta herself n'....."
I feel Alexa's arms move around
my spineless body as if embracing me in a hug. I pat her a few more times,
inwardly cursing myself for going soft and then something more nefarious takes
hold. I use one tentacle to continue to pat and then slowly but surely one more
before to slide up Alexa's shirt.
She doesn't resist.
MEANWHILE
I'm so beat down all I want to do is go back to my duplex.
Dr. Moreau said that it would be open to me now...of course after the many cursings he uttered at all the information I gave him. I
don't know if he believed me or not, but I do know he mentioned checking the
tapes. Still this feat of revenge brings me no solace. I lift my hand up and
let my monkey hands graze along the bandage that's covering my torn throat. I
can't even begin to imagine what this new development would mean once my next
change sets in. Whenever that will be. I should go
back to my place, get some rest. That's what I was told to do.
But, I can't.
I want to see Billy. I need to tell him things. Tell him
how I feel. Maybe it isn't love that I feel, maybe I'll never learn what that
is, but still I need to figure out what
There's a lot of things people wanna say when
they can't speak.
I finally get to Billy's and take it upon myself to waltz
in. I'm expecting to see him yell at me and bid me adieu in the form of 'git tha feck
out', but nothing prepares me for what I'm about to see. I never thought of
what sex with Billy looked like. Whenever we participated in the act it was
something that just happened. I never realized how disgusting it looked. And
what I'm seeing now....
I instantly vomit in the corner.
They don't see me, too wrapped up in this.....this...god I
can't even say it. Alexa and Billy...god no. No. How? Why? WHY? is
my thoughtflow currently, but like a macab train wreck I can't look away. I'm sure my face looks
as though a knife has just been shoved in my chest because it certainly feels
that way. My ruffed ears flatten against my skull as I hear cries of moans and
I put a hand to my mouth, wanting SO BADLY to just shout 'what are you doing? what are you DOING?' Both of them have treated me like they
loved me, if not said it.
and
now this?
Yeah, I want to shout. But I can't speak. So I stand
there, watching the whole show as hot salty tears sting my eyes and my chest
tightens painfully. Finally when I can take no more I turn around and leave.
Neither of them seem to notice.
MEANWHILE
I stare absentmindly into the
forest as I run my hand along the length of my pregnant belly. This is such
bullshit. A 'lesson in loyalities'?
I cringe at the thought. Moreau knew nothing. He took the word off some two bit
whore instead of his wife? I don't know how long he expects me to stay
out here. Knowing him I'll be in the comfort of my home by morning. But still,
I'm carrying his baby! This is DANGEROUS! Jamal may be safetely
locked away in the labs, but what about Annie? Or anything other islander that
decides to take their frustrations out on the poor wondering lab employee. Does
he even remember what Zack did to me? Or has he forgotten?
Does he even care?
He probably doesn't. Not about me and certainly not about
his coming child. I wonder what Sabin is doing and I
can only guess he's suffering a similar fate. Most likely a
worse one. I inwardly scold myself for choosing the specific spot to
talk to him. I should have known there would be cameras. I should have paid
more attention! Now I have no where to go and it's night and....I'm just scared
and alone! I look over to Billy's duplex and briefly consider going there. Afterall that's why I started to head this way. But
now...now I don't want to.
Moreau is probably expecting it anyway.
I turn around to head back, maybe
bother some islander to give me shelter for the night. offer
them perks if I have to. But at night everything looks the same out here and I
end up getting lost somehow, when the task should have been easy as anything. I
hear the snap of a twig and I freeze. Turning around I let off a little gasp as
the moonlight reflects on the last person I would have expected to see out
here.
"Maryke," I say with a
sneer, "How utterly ironic."
CHAPTER SEVEN
Echoes
I blink unsure of what to say right now. So this is
Aubrey? Up close she doesn't look as big of a threat as she is. She's dumpy,
not just from the pregnant fat, but in general. Eyes are heavy and tired behind
glasses and her hair is frizzed and there's probably a
million split-ends. In my hayday, when I was human?
There would be no competition at all.
But, as it is, there is competition from
this....woman. And I glare the minute her face hits the air and into my ears.
There's so much I want to say to her, to yell, hell, even attack her with or
without the chip going off. But, there's only one thing I CAN do. And so I just stand, staring at her.
"What? You don't even want to say 'hello'," She
says, narrowing her eyes as one hand holds on to her belly.
I'm not sure if she's protecting it or just testing to
make sure it's still there. But in any case I remain silent, merely pursing my
lips and staring straight back at her.
Her eyes tick down to the bandage around my neck.
"Awwwwwww, what happened?
Cat got your tongue?" She says feigning concern while circling me a bit.
Like a cat to its prey. "Or maybe it was your throat!" she adds in
mock excitement.
I remain silent.
"You're such a whore," she says, and the phrase
seems off somehow; out of the blue. Only it isn't. There's more then meets one
uttered sentence. "You think Billy would just be all yours? He's MINE, he'll always be mine.... You think you could impress
him by squealing?!"
She flinches. As if she's suddenly been
hit. But I haven't touched her nor do I intend to, chip or no chip. For
one my body is too weak, but for another, despite me hating this woman or not
caring what she thinks, the words still hurt. Because I know she's right. Billy
isn't mine and to him I'm sure I'm just a body. But still, there's some inner
realization that's clear in her eyes.
"And you're so blind to it," she spits, eyes
flashing dangerously despite being wholly human. "You think you can just
have one thing and not the other don't you? Don't you!
You can't just see it for what it is. You're SUCH a fucking whore. That's ALL
you'll ever be. That's all HE'LL ever see you for! Just someone to fuck, and
fuck, and fuck! And when things really get down to it....when it REALLY comes
down to it, when you actually need more then just a little quickie or when you
need to take a break because you just CAN'T then will he care? NO! He
won't...."
She stops suddenly, staring at me as I stare back at her
open mouth. And then just like that she makes a noncommital
sound and moves off.
A'S POV
I don't know what to feel. Hatred, but also...fuck I don't know. I don't know anything
anymore. Who I SHOULD be mad at is that fucking whore Maryke.
But, I think I'm mad at myself. What I told to her, all those things it....
I guess I was talking to myself.
I'm disgusted with myself. Between Sabin,
Moreau and Billy I'm just...maybe I am a whore. Am I? I'm not loose like
Something Moreau has never given me.
But I do love Moreau. I have for so long now. And with Sabin? It's just...god
I'm just so lonely. I know I can't have everything, but is it wrong to want
/something/.
I stop suddenly.
And let out a cry of surprise. I've just peed! I've wet
myself! I've....I've fucking pissed my pants!! It's the words that are tumbling
around in my brain just after I felt my body release itself. But, despite being
upset I know I'm not THAT upset. Not to where I wouldn't be able to have
control over my own bowel movements! Suddenly a sharp pain tugs at my insides
and I stumble backwards before ramming my back into a tree and sliding down.
I realize with a horror what is happening just as my legs
spread apart at an odd angle and more pains rock my body. My heart quickens and
I squeaze my eyes just trying wanting so badly to be
anywhere but here.
"Somebody!" I scream, the effort making me grunt and sweat as the stings
and pains continue. "Help! Please!"
I wait a moment, "PLEASE....PLEASE HELP ME!"
Again and again I yell until my voice is too strained to do anything but give
off a hoarse cry. The pain worsens and only fleetingly I wonder why the hell hasn't someone sent help when I'm sure there's a camera
nearby.
It's then that I realize....
No one is coming.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Mad World
Everything's so blurry now. Even when
it's all so very clear for me. This pain's just too much. It has been
for awhile. Billy takes the edge off, but it's taking more and more to do just
that. Maybe with Billy I can forget, that's what I keep telling myself. I tell
myself a lot these days. And even now with my throat split and my voice gone,
even now I'm thinking about being with him again. Even after what he's done
with Alexa.
I just want to take the edge off.
I start to climb up. It's my favorite tree and at the very
top, just like the old saying, you really can see forever. It's beautiful and
endless and it takes the edge off, but not completely. I'm looking for more and
more outlets these days. Maybe I've been trying to forget since the day I was
born. Since the day my sister died. Who knows. I just
want things to hurt a little less but it never does. The pain never goes away
and I just want to forget every wrong done to me. I just want to make
everything all right. And in a perfect world it would be. White
picket fences and everything.
It's like the longer I'm here, the more humanity I
loose...the more I seem to remember. And with all these vices, even back when I
was human, I was do everything to NOT remember. Taking the edge of. Just taking the edge off the broken
bottles my mother used to slice me with. The scars are there, now hidden deep deep down underneath all the fur. But scars never hurt as
bad as the memories. And in here, with only the island and the montony to keep you going day by day the memories is what
will get you. You remember more of your former life here. Out there, in the
real world it's so much easier to forget. But not here.
Here, the memories sneak up on me like a ghost in the night. More
and more. I see my mother's face in the grass, trees and whenever I'm
alone. It doesn't matter how old I get. I remember more here. The more I
remember the more I'm afraid. The fear is always around, lingering. Waiting at
the right moment to make itself known.
I keep climbing, finally reaching the top.
Fear is the worst kind of emotion. It gets me to a place
I've never imagined and shame brings me the rest of the way. And I'm taking the
edge off. When Billy and I screw, I'm just taking the edge off. I'm too far
gone to ever know what love is. I know that now. The sights and smells of what
I'm doing....what I've become, it hits me when I'm bordering on happy, when I'm
closing in on some kind of peace. The smell, like fish and piss, hits my senses
and it reminds me of so many wrongs and hurt I've either gotten or inflicted. I
can't love Billy. In turn Billy will never love me. Alexa
never loved me. I close my eyes and I'm fifteen again.
It's my mother's boyfriend, hard and heavy on her bed. It
doesn't matter if I don't want it, it doesn't matter if I'm still considered a
child. And it doesn't matter when my mother doesn't say anything or care. On
the island you remember everything. Even things you've hidden for so long. But
it isn't just my mother's boyfriend. It's my sister's boyfriend too, Alexa, the few clients and finally the last person I've
tried to hold on to. The faces all begin to blend in with the faces of all my
mistakes. If I go back to my duplex a quick shower won't erase the dirt of it
all. Aubrey is right in a way. I am 'just a whore.' Just a.....just a... that's
it. I'm not a name, I'm not a person. I'm a 'Just A'. When the night's at it's
thickest, I'm the victim...and I'm angry now..but I'm not. I'm just enraptured with the shame
that another quick fuck with Billy won't erase. The shame is what's kept me
from doing this for so long. Maybe I've been a masochist. Maybe I've thought
I've deserved everything that's happened.
I know this is so.
But, I close my eyes and I see Jamal. His want of my blood
and it really doesn't matter how much further I've fallen. How much more
tainted I've become. I just want it all to go away. The shame and fear are what
brought me to this point. What's keeping me is that I've run out of options.
There's nothing left for me here or anywhere. I can no longer take the edge
off. It used to be the tight burn of alcohol, the euphoria of climax, or in
pre-island, the lies and remorse of powder on my nose. It was just taking the
edge off. I never thought about the women who called me dirty or the men who
made me such. I didn't think about anything, but chasing away the shadows
because they are my ghosts. The shadows wrap their slimy fingers around me,
hold me down, and remind me of how unworthy I am just to be alive.
I stand to my full height on a heavy limb. It's the
highest on the tree and when I look down the ground is so far away it's merely
a speck in the distance.
I continue to think. My mind raging wars against it's
self. The shadows whisper in the back of my mind that I'm a mistake. Would my
life have been this much of a shithole if it wasn't?
Would I be a fucking animal in this island if I wasn't? The shadows shout at me
every time I smile and tell me I better not try it again. Happiness DOES
NOT exist, certainly for the likes of me. Can I even remember a time when I was
happy, truly happy? Twenty-six years and all I have is pain, fur and a tail. It
doesn't get any better then this and I'm NOT going to delude myself into
thinking it will. Not anymore. Happiness requires luck and I would have been
lucky to die a long time ago.
I step to the edge of the branch.
So, it doesn't matter what I do. Or what
I /try/ to do to attone myself. Or what I try
to make the best of in this godforsaken island. Because in the long run all I
am is shadows and people don't remember that fuzzy kind of image. People don't
CARE about shadows. Shadows don't have their own fucking reality, just
reflections of everyone else's and I'm TIRED of playing everyone else's game
because my own reality is just too hard to bare. I'm
tired of chasing around a happiness that will never come and a peaceful existance that I will never find. I AM /just a whore/
through and through! I can't outrun the shadows anymore. I've tried to
hide in them, I've tried to ignore them. With an addictive fake warmth that passes off as love, but all it
is is fragments. It ISN'T love. It never will be.
Fragments won't save me anymore.
I jump.
For a mere second I get the closest thing to peace
I'll ever find, and this time it does take the edge off. And it doesn't
matter that I'll pass out now and never wake up. For the first time in a long
time I can sleep and not dream and It's all I've ever
wanted.
I'm dead before I hit the ground.
Fin.