Other And Self
By Sundragyn, alias J. Holland

Running was the only answer. Refusing to run would result in death, and probably not his own. Keep going onward, and maybe everything would work out. This... this thing inside him would break free sooner or later, and then... and then death.

He put a hand against a tree, gasping. He tried not to look at the fingers, or at the claws. It had been foolish... he had been foolish; he had lost control, and people had been afraid. It had happened again.

The hounds were baying; the young man's chest clenched, and he ran on. Though muted somewhat by the forest, he was followed by the sound of the dogs and the sound of men's voices crying "Da druben!"

It had happened before, and despite all his promises, it would happen again. He, though drowning in fear and anger and hurt, felt it come, like a storm front; his consciousness absorbed by that other presence again.


This body, threatened. Self threatened. This body, in pain. Self in pain. Other is unprepared. Other is weak. Body will be caught.

Self has control, other is subservient.

Defence. Protect other, protect self. Will deal with other in time. Now, must protect. Eliminate threat. Threat is easily dispatched, easily destroyed. Threat fears self, fears other. Eliminate threat; threat fears. Fear is familiar, pleasant.

Other makes body vulnerable. Body must be protected. Self will remove body to safety before other has control. This is wise.


What had happened?

On second thought, he didn't want to know.

Sabin sat up, one hand pressed against his temple. It felt sticky with drying blood. Great. Just great.

It had just been a drink, a drink in a quiet, small-town German inn, which had turned into several drinks. He'd lost control, just enough to let that? that thing rear its face. He'd closed his eyes as he laughed at a joke... for the life of him, he couldn't remember what the joke had actually been. Someone else had tapped on the shoulder to catch his attention, and he'd turned. He'd opened one eye, then the other, then the other, then the other...

It had only been a poor waitress, who had, understandably, screamed. Sabin, jerked to some semblance of sobriety, had reacted without thinking and ran for the door.

And a few of the braver, or possibly stupider, men, had followed.

He couldn't remember. This thing in his head, in his body, had reacted when the chase had come close and... what had happened? There was blood on his hands, and on his face too, now, and it certainly wasn't his. Someone had died, or at least been injured severely.

And of course, Sabin was alive, which was of slightly dubious merit, all considered.

The blood smelled canine. That was at least a little reassuring, though it didn't rule out anything.

"I know you're there, and you're listening to me," Sabin said suddenly. "Do you have some sort of wish to make my life as miserable as possible? Is that why you've done this?"

The presence in the back of his mind seemed to ignore him. Sabin reached into an inner pocket and removed a small booklet. After shuffling through his belongings, he settled back against the tree and began to write.

I must try to remember to avoid the temptation of alcohol. This thing which has possessed me will not hesitate to take advantage of drunkenness. I thought I had enough control over now that I could risk it; I was very wrong. I was chased, and someone might have died. I am not sure, and this creature in my head is not about to tell me.

I think I can confirm my theory that my sense of smell has increased. As I’ve remarked before, it's difficult to know when I have nothing to compare it with but a memory, and I was certainly not in any state to make proper observations immediately following this disaster. Still, I can definitely identify this blood as dog's blood, or at least mostly dog's blood, and there is no way a normal human could have done such a thing.

Other does not understand at all, cannot begin to. Other fears self very much. Other is very foolish.

Self desires freedom from weak other. Possibility doubtful. Hate other, but keep other safe. Other dies, self dies? Self loses body? Either is undesirable. Self will find solution.

Sabin grimaced to himself. He would find a solution to this, some way.